What Is Your Craft?

I have been thinking a lot about my purpose, my dao, and how to come into better alignment with it. I don't share/write often, but it's been on my mind for quite a while now, and it's been the focus of many of my divinations and magical workings over the course of the past several months. I would say things are rolling now; I am actively on this quest, and as such, I think it warrants a share.

I feel like I have been starting to move through my midlife crisis. I probably alluded to this in my post "Ask, Receive & Action" where I shared what it's been feeling like as I start into my 40s, but I feel more confident that this is the process I am working through. While life continues on with my juggling of various work streams and being Mama to my four children growing more into themselves (and some into their teenage years!), this desire to figure out my purpose, my dao, remains ever in the back of my mind, influencing how I relate to the people and events of my life. This doesn't feel like a massive crisis, not some major emotional upheaval, nor a regret-filled questioning of my life choices. I regret nothing. I am proud of who I am and how far I've come, and I wouldn't change anything because I fully believe everything I have lived and experienced have shaped me into the person that I am and led me to this moment now. What comes to mind during this time of deep and purposeful reflection is that for the "back half" of my life, I would really love to live truer to my purpose, more fully in my power, and intentionally sharing my own unique gifts in service to my community in the best way that I can. And I need some clarity around all of that.

When I consider my life: my choices, my inclinations, my interests and passions, I think about the things that have lit me up. When have I felt most connected, most joy, most at peace, most in the flow? I have been looking to these things as clues to what my gifts and my purpose might be. Who am I really, at my core, in my joy, so that I know how to continue being in the world? How do I show up best? What are the things I am drawn to most naturally? What are the things I don't have to force?

I have felt it when I am working in my garden. With my hands in the earth or lovingly cupping a plant or flower; I feel at peace. I feel connected to something greater than myself. As a little girl, I was obsessed with collecting rocks and minerals. I still love working with them and including them in my gardening and in my crafting. In ritual, when I am singing or chanting, or when I am sitting quietly with the spirits, I feel the thrum of energy coursing through me and around me. I get goosebumps when I feel spirit is near. I trust my inner voice more easily. I trust my Gods, guides, guardians, and well-seated ancestors. I feel myself more fully enmeshed in a web of support and I remember that I am not alone. Not ever. I lose myself (or maybe I find myself) in creative projects of all kinds—graphic design, needlework, painting or drawing, writing, knitting, crafting, jewelry-making, or cooking. Always have. Time passes quickly when I am in the creative flow and sometimes it can be challenging to pull myself out of it. It comes so easily. I love to create. (I just wish I didn't feel so much pressure to get it right.) And I feel it in community. When I am with Sisters, or other people of like values and purpose, when I co-create, when I feel seen, when I help others to feel seen...it makes me feel like we should all be relating with one another in this way. It is so magical, healing, and empowering to support and uplift others, and to feel that support in return. These are the threads I have been drawing back to me, to help weave a clearer picture of the whole of me. What is my essence? What is my true nature? My dao?

I remember that I found, rather, I remembered that I am a magical being, when I was 13—a girl coming into womanhood and trying to figure herself out. I discovered Goddess spirituality, magic, and witchcraft and became a devoted student of life, in all its gore and glory. I went through some pretty dark stuff, and still, my spirituality kept me alive and wanting more of my life. I would go on to study, research, train, practice, teach, play.....for decades, in all sorts of traditions and practices, but none connected with my ancestral lineage. That would only come much later and it's where I currently find myself. I LOVED my witchiness from the moment I realized it. The magic and mystery of it all felt the most natural and exciting to me, and I could never understand why. Even as I found myself on the fringes, an outlier, an oddity even within magical circles as a Chinese witch (I did not fit the "typical" image of a witch, who is typically portrayed in the media as a woman of some European heritage), I still felt it was exactly who I was and who I was meant to be. I only later discovered the very magical lineage I come from when I finally returned to explore the wisdom traditions of my ancestors, and realized it is perfectly natural that I am who I am. It's in my blood, in some form or other.

I recently returned to practicing my craft, now through the lens of my cultural heritage, and I enrolled in Mimi Young's Crafting the Arcane, a year-long witchcraft study, to take what I already know much further and deeper. Being able to layer in Daoist principles and the I Ching is awesome and deeply meaningful. I have only done a handful of major spells in my life, in times of absolute need, and I have been looking for more ways to connect on a more regular basis for support in all aspects of my life, not just for emergencies. I've also been looking for ways to practice for the benefit of community. Mimi's offerings, discussions, and gatherings have been really good for this—emphasizing ethical considerations, activism and community care—and I have come away from each session with so much food for thought and some great ideas around how I can leverage my magic for community service. I just haven't been practicing much, and I have been asking myself where's the block.

I know one of the things I struggle with is trying to leverage magic for non-emergency situations. I guess I am having trouble justifying calling on the spirits to help with more mundane, every day situations that I feel like maybe I should be able to handle myself; and then where community-related workings are concerned, I haven't really identified the types of workings I want to be doing, or the causes I want to be supporting. These need more thought, and maybe for every day life-related workings, maybe I just need to change my thinking around that. Maybe the spirits want to be able to help me on this level. I could probably ask. So there's that. And I guess the other thing is, some of these workings feel a bit too much like a...production? If that makes sense? Some of the spellcrafting techniques just don't feel natural to me. Which is totally fine. I don't need to be adept at everything, and I fully understand that some things may come with more ease the more I practice. But going back to my whole inquiry around my dao, my way, I have therefore been considering what is my witchcraft? Again, what are the tools and techniques that make sense to me? Are there ways that I am already working magic in my life—focusing energies to create a desired change—that I can lean in to more fully, with more intention, and layering in more of tools, correspondences, and other considerations I have been learning about? This became a fun exploration.

I realized that all of those interests, passions, and affinities I have been identifying have a lot to do with my personal craft and how I relate to the world around me. Magic is relational. Working magic is about leveraging relationships. So of course I should consider the existing, healthy, thriving relationships, as focuses for deepening my magic. My design work, my enjoyment of cooking and cleaning, writing, communicating, community-tending, jewelry-making, adorning, and arts and crafting are ways I work best. If I turn those mediums into spells, layering in intention, symbolism, and spirit work, then my work in the world becomes even more purposeful and potent. My magic feels more natural to me because it is flowing through work I am already connected to.

This realization felt really exciting, because suddenly, I didn't feel like a crappy, imposter witch who can't practice magic. As steady and empowered as we may feel, let's face it, it's easy to fall into the trap of comparison when we are constantly being bombarded by media and social media. But if we can find a way to create better boundaries around ourselves and shield ourselves from unhealthy influences, when we can remain calm and steady in our power and sureness of self, then we can feel the fullness of our own capabilities. It's been something I have been trying to work on, creating better boundaries to protect the sacredness of my own self, time and space. Working in a digital, media-driven world as a day job demands I work even harder to step away from that in my own time (which I still struggle with but am working on!).

Now as I write this post, a little over one week away from attending an amazing, magical, witchy, potion-making retreat on the other side of the country for a week, I feel more at ease. I feel more freedom. I don't feel like I am a "bad witch" or an imposter for not being "witchy enough". I feel proud of my craft, which I may have dismissed in the past as simply "hobby" or frivolous. empowered to enhance what I am already doing, or use the mediums I am already familiar with to channel my magic, which feels much better than trying to fit myself into some preconceived notion of what it is I think I should be doing as a self-identified witch.

So I suppose if you're reading this and your are in a similar situation trying to figure out what is your thing, where is your magic most naturally, then perhaps consider those hobbies, passion projects, interests, simple pleasures....the things that make you feel excitement, pleasure, and a certain aliveness. Those things can be indicators of how you express and relate to the world best. Do those things. Go back to those things if you have stopped. Remember what it feels to feel connected, joyful, excited, and inspired. Do it for you. To fill your cup. And then, when your own energy feels replenished, reach out and connect with those around you. Spread joy, perhaps through those very same mediums that have lit you up. Love, joy, excitement...power....these were all meant to be shared. We weren't meant to hoard them and keep everything to ourselves. We were meant to support and be supported; to love and be loved; to heal and help support others in their own healing. This is how we fight the darkness. When we are all lit from within, standing together each in the glory of our own power and unique gifts and abilities....living our dao, my what a force for good we would be. What magic would we create together? Food for thought.

In my opinion, that is the Way.

So what is your craft?